My story began 4 years ago, when I met, who i thought at the time would be the love of my life, a handsome, charming man, someone who vowed to love, respect, and protect me no matter what. Ohh…how greatly i misjudged this man. At first, it was dinners out, trips away and an overwhelming feeling of love and safety. But then, slowly but surely, the real person began to surface, the control, the derogratory name–calling, and the violence became a common occurence. Gradually, my confidence, my voice and my identity was taken from me, i deeply feared this person i loved. Over time it became easier to comply with his demands for sex rather than fight it, because all that would’ve resulted in is more emotional, racial, psychological, and physical abuse towards me, saying “NO” just wasn’t an option.

Eventually last year, i almost lost my life at the hands of this man, he held me against my will for several hours and continuously suffocated, strangled, and raped me. He repeatedly smothered me with pillows, and manually strangled me over and over until i’d go limp, then repeat the sick violence all over again. During the attack he wrapped sheets around my neck, and also tried forcing items down my throat. It was torture.

It was terrifying thinking i would never see my child again! The last thing i saw before taking (what i thought was) my last breath, was my daughters face and how sad she would be knowing that she would never see me again, and how sad i was that i would never see my girl again. I fought, begged and pleaded for my life to no avail, he said there was only one option for me, “i must die”!

But i didn’t die on that day, for some unknown reason, i managed to survive the attack and report this to the authorities. Luckily for me, my case made it to trial and the defendant was recently found guilty and convicted. However, it’s a sad fact that only a small percentage of rape (and other sexual offences) cases reported to the police result in charges and court proceedings. And even then, when a case does make it to court, its often the victim/survivor feeling that it’s them on trial and not the defendant, that was certainly the case with me. It constantly felt like it was me having to defend myself and my character. I was severely depressed throughout the whole process, meanwhile, the offender and his relatives were free to slander me and label me a liar. At times I felt like my voice didn’t matter, and that my voice wasn’t heard, especially when being cross–examined by the defence barrister, he was very skillful in making the narrative support the defendant, whilst i was villified.

Is this fair? Is this just? This is the question that looms over me and brings me great distress. The defence barrister kept speaking about the defendants good family and his achievements at work as way of minimising or denying the defendants actions against me. I found this hard to stomach if i’m honest.

I believe that more needs to be done to protect the victim/survivor throughout the whole process, they’re already going through probally the greatest trauma they will face in life, and yet, the defendant and his counsel are allowed to lable you a liar and assassinate your character freely, personally i believe this is wrong!

For some reason i survived that day, and unfortunately, i know that many other women and men don’t make it out of these situations alive. Therefore, it’s now my purpose to share my story and create more awareness about sexual violence, toxic relationships, press for more legislation that’s tailored to the needs and support a victim/survivor needs, and call for the adoption of other protective measures such as applying gag orders on the defendant and their relatives.

“Ohh…love can be a glorious thing, but it can also be deadly too”!

Naveahh Smart